RANTS


18
May 12

You are what you drink

I’m sure most of you’ve seen this floating around facebook. This picture shows why most Americans are fat. I’ve been hating on my people late (not Asians… but Americans). Not sure if I’m just friends with a lot of dumb people on facebook, or if there are just a lot of people like that in the world.

People, get it together.

This post is slowly turning into a rant, in that case.. sorry I’m not sorry, I think a lot of people are quite pathetic. If you ask people to hang out and smoke via your status… like.. are you serious? Don’t get me wrong, I like partying as much as much as the next person but come on guys.. seriously.. you had to stoop to that level? Go sign up for twitter or something, there you can do update until you’ve reached your twitter limit. Another thing that bothers me is when people take pictures of money. Continue reading →


2
May 12

Make This Please: McDonald’s Pretzelnator

Yes that is everything you think it is. Ham, beef patty, American and Italian cheese on a bed of fresh (a fool can dream?) crisp lettuce and onions, in between two pretzel buns. If McDonald’s doesn’t import this into the US I’m gonna, well…hm well I guess I’ll just be healthy and skinny with little to no cholesterol in my diet.

BUT! That is not what I want, not what I desire. What I want is the Pretzelnator, the result of a Mein Burger campaign held in Germany, and one of five delicious custom burgers that was crowd-sourced for this campaign. Bring it home McD’s, bring it home.

via laughingsquid.


23
Apr 12

Kid Learns 23 Languages, Clearly a Superior Human Being

16 year old Timothy Doner is not your average high school sophomore. He is what they call a hyperpolyglot and possesses the ability to speak 23 languages. He learned Hebrew after his Bar Mitzvah and then pursued Arabic, which he learned to read fluently after about a week.

Since then he’s had a voracious appetite for linguistics. He can proudly add French, Latin, Mandarin, Russian, Italian, Persian, Swahili, Indonesian, Hindi, Ojibwe, Pashto, Turkish, Hausa, Kurdish, Yiddish, Dutch, Croatian and German to the extensive list of languages he can communicate in. Here’s a cool NYTimes article with a little bit more info.

I for one welcome our multilingual overlord.

via thedailywhat.


23
Apr 12

Crazy Mofos Booby Trap Public Park

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Steven Rutkowski, age 19

Kai Matthew Christensen, age 21

I mean I know there’s nothing to do in Utah, but DAMN.

These two idiots got arrested for Reckless Endangerment  for setting up a bunch of booby traps at a popular section of a public park. They set up trip wires to make people fall into piles of sharpened sticks and also a much more frightening device where a person would get impaled by a swinging rock protruding sharpened sticks (all shown above).

Sticks and stones may break my bones but. But nothing. For these guys no one ever taught them the rest of the saying.

See more photos via buzzfeed or straight from the source at Utah Country Online.


20
Apr 12

Talking Pineapple Question on State Exam Puzzles Students and Parents

A strange narrative about a talking pineapple has parents up in arms. Students came across a confusing and incoherent story in their state exams and the media, teachers, and even some people you wouldn’t expect have weighed in on the controversy.

“The story makes no sense whatsoever. The narrative has no internal logic, the ‘moral’ in unclear, and the plot details seem so oddly chosen that the story seems to have been written during a peyote trip,” states Ken Jennings, the all time leading winner of Jeopardy!

Here’s the story amidst the state exam debacle:

The Pineapple and the Hare 

In the olden times, animals could speak English, just like you and me. There was a lovely enchanted forest that flourished with a bunch of these magical animals. One day, a hare was relaxing by a tree. All of a sudden, he noticed a pineapple sitting near him.
The hare, being magical and all, told the pineapple, “Um, hi.” The pineapple could speak English too.
“I challenge you to a race! Whoever makes it across the forest and back first wins a ninja! And a lifetime’s supply of toothpaste!” The hare looked at the pineapple strangely, but agreed to the race.
The next day, the competition was coming into play. All the animals in the forest (but not the pineapples, for pineapples are immobile) arranged a finish/start line in between two trees. The coyote placed the pineapple in front of the starting line, and the hare was on his way.
Everyone on the sidelines was bustling about and chatting about the obvious prediction that the hare was going to claim the victory (and the ninja and the toothpaste). Suddenly, the crow had a revolutionary realization.
“AAAAIEEH! Friends! I have an idea to share! The pineapple has not challenged our good companion, the hare, to just a simple race! Surely the pineapple must know that he CANNOT MOVE! He obviously has a trick up his sleeve!” exclaimed the crow.
The moose spoke up.
“Pineapples don’t have sleeves.”
“You fool! You know what I mean! I think that the pineapple knows we’re cheering for the hare, so he is planning to pull a trick on us, so we look foolish when he wins! Let’s sink the pineapple’s intentions, and let’s cheer for the stupid fruit!” the crow passionately proclaimed. The other animals cheered, and started chanting, “FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN!”
A few minutes later, the hare arrived. He got into place next to the pineapple, who sat there contently. The monkey blew the tree-bark whistle, and the race began! The hare took off, sprinting through the forest, and the pineapple …
It sat there.
The animals glanced at each other blankly, and then started to realize how dumb they were. The pineapple did not have a trick up its sleeve. It wanted an honest race — but it knew it couldn’t walk (let alone run)!
About a few hours later, the hare came into sight again. It flew right across the finish line, still as fast as it was when it first took off. The hare had won, but the pineapple still sat at his starting point, and had not even budged.
The animals ate the pineapple.

Here are two of the questions:
1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
a. they were annoyed
b. they were amused
c. they were hungry
d. they wanted to

2. Who was the wisest?
a. the hare
b. moose
c. crow
d. owl


Read more at: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/talking-pineapple-question-state-exam-stumps-article-1.1064657#ixzz1scXSvkYF


10
Apr 12

Kid’s a Hero: 7th Grader Stops School Bus After Driver Has Heart Attack

Surprise Lake Middle School seventh-grader (13 year old) Jeremy Wuitschick sprung to action when his schoolbus driver suddenly fell victim to a heart attack.

“I knew something was wrong,” he said. Wuitschick said he got up and grabbed the wheel, turned the bus toward the side of the road and turned off the ignition.

“It was pretty scary,” Wuitschick said. “It was all happening really quickly.”

Natural born leader for sure.

via seattlepi.


2
Apr 12

WTF: Two 16 Year Old Girls Stab a Cab Driver to Death

Emily Starnes mugshot

Consandra Tyree mugshot

Don’t be fooled by how harmless these girls look. They’re deceiving. And deadly.

These two teenage girls were recently arrested and charged with murder in the 2011 stabbing of a North Carolina cab driver. The cab driver, Williams, was stabbed in his face and throat on August 23, 2011, and was taken to a hospital when discovered. He ultimately succumbed to his injuries.

Reportedly they were after his money…which ended up being about $40 in fares.

Shocking and horrifying. So I guess only wearing a hoodie qualifies you to be dangerous, huh Geraldo?

Read more at cbsnews.


29
Mar 12

All Kinds of Awesome: Man Is Saved By a Bear from A Lion Attack

bear-cubs

This is kinda like my fantasy -

69 year old Robert Biggs was hiking in the woods of Paradise, California, when suddenly a mountain lion pounced on him, snatching his backpack and badly bruising his arm. He was able to defend himself with a rock pick but things looked pretty grim. Odds of him getting away were slightly less than the Mega Millions jackpot.

When suddenly, a mother bear and her cub intervened and scared away the lion. Needing no thanks, his unexpected hero fled the scene as well, off into the woods like a furry Batman into the night. Lesson learned, you don’t mess with Big Mama Bear, especially when it comes to her fondness of senior citizens.

Read more via the paradisepost.


9
Mar 12

Say What: Pat Robertson Supports Marijuana Use Legalization

Pat Robertson is one of the most well known evangelical leaders in the United States, and throughout the years has played a prominent position in right wing politics and conservatism. So his latest stance comes, well, slightly unexpected (though welcomed). From the New York Times:

“I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol,” Mr. Robertson said in an interview on Wednesday. “I’ve never used marijuana and I don’t intend to, but it’s just one of those things that I think: this war on drugs just hasn’t succeeded.”

He continues by contending that the nation “has gone overboard on this concept of being tough on crime.”

“Prisons are being overcrowded with juvenile offenders having to do with drugs. And the penalties, the maximums, some of them could get 10 years for possession of a joint of marijuana. It makes no sense at all.”

Of course, this controversial position doesn’t come with its detractors, and he’s already taken his fair share of criticisms. However he’s not backing down:

“I just want to be on the right side,” he said. “And I think on this one, I’m on the right side.”

I didn’t think a  piece about weed could evoke anything but hunger from me, but by god, that was so eloquently put, I almost shed a tear.

Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t change much. The dude’s just a tad bit less of a self-righteous asshole now. But that’s nothing a little drug-influenced euphoria can’t solve.

via nyt.


6
Mar 12

Bird Nest Bed

I never had any childhood desires to sleep like a big bird, but I always wanted to know how to fly.

So…I guess this is the closest I’m ever going to get to that. Pity.

O*EG CreativeGroup came up with this custom bed in three different sizes, the largest being 15 feet across with the ability to accommodate 16 people. They claim it’s not actually for “bed” activities but rather as an alternative for a conference table or social gathering. Or kinky wild bird sex fetishes. But that last one you won’t find in the retail description.

via gizmodo.


21
Feb 12

Mediocre Denver QB takes shots at Mediocre Denver QB

Looks like Brady Quinn has finally spoken up about having his chance to be an NFL starter taken from him by God. He’s actually using the public prayer angle and saying that Tebow is doing this for attention (which although I hate Tebowmania I don’t believe he’s doing anything wrong himself). He says he would pray with teammates rather than do it in front of everyone. I think maybe they should both give a sermon and see who’s is better. The winner is starting QB. Or they should fight.

As seen on Sportscenter.